conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Carolyn: I’ve noticed an odd pattern in communication with my mother-in-law, “Ellen,” that I barely know how to describe, much less address. Basically, she won’t ever state her needs or wants, even when it’s very clear what she needs or wants.

One example: On a visit last week, my 3-year-old was listening to an audiobook that mimicked animal sounds. On multiple occasions, Ellen mentioned that she was concerned the book was too stimulating for my daughter. Each time, I told her it wasn’t and said my daughter had my permission to listen until dinner. By the second or third time she brought this up, it became clear to me Ellen was the one overwhelmed by the sounds.

If she'd just stated that — “Hey, I'm getting tired of elephant noises!” — then I would have happily told my daughter to pack it up. But when I said, “Ellen, it sounds like you might be getting annoyed by the toy and prefer it be put away?” she immediately insisted, “Oh no! I just think Granddaughter doesn't like it! She thinks it's too overwhelming!” I responded, “For the last time: She plays with this all the time, and she’s not overstimulated,” but then five minutes later we were back to, “She must find that toy so noisy and confusing!”

Many, many interactions are this way, and I don’t know how to react. I want Ellen to just say what she wants, rather than hiding behind the projected emotions of her grandkids, kids or her husband. It feels ridiculous to go along with an obviously untrue story, but it also feels ridiculous to tell my mother-in-law, “Sorry, Ellen! I'm not going to make Janie put away the toy that obviously bothers you unless you admit it bothers you!” Do you have any advice for navigating these conversations?


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minoanmiss: Statuette of Minoan woman in worshipful pose. (Statuette Worshipper)
[personal profile] minoanmiss posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
[be warned, the same column contains another iteration of The Harry Potter Debate]

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The cardinals' tea party

Aug. 31st, 2025 10:46 pm
asakiyume: chalk drawing (catbird and red currant)
[personal profile] asakiyume
There is a cardinal pair in our yard, and I love them very much. I drew them having a cup of tea.

female and male northern cardinal with blue and white teapot and cups of tea

female and male northern cardinal on either side of a blue and white teapot


A mi me enseño a cantar la calandria y el cenzontle,
la calandría y el cenzontle y el pájaro cardenal
la calandría y el cenzontle y el pájaro cardenal

--Biomigrant & El Monte Adentro: "Voz emplumada del monte"
calandría = chalk-browed mockingbird (Mimus saturninus)
cenzontle = northern mockingbird (Mimus polyglottus)
pájaro cardenal = northern cardinal (Cardinalis cardinalis)

Code deploy happening shortly

Aug. 31st, 2025 07:37 pm
mark: A photo of Mark kneeling on top of the Taal Volcano in the Philippines. It was a long hike. (Default)
[staff profile] mark posting in [site community profile] dw_maintenance

Per the [site community profile] dw_news post regarding the MS/TN blocks, we are doing a small code push shortly in order to get the code live. As per usual, please let us know if you see anything wonky.

There is some code cleanup we've been doing that is going out with this push but I don't think there is any new/reworked functionality, so it should be pretty invisible if all goes well.

Two letters in the same column

Aug. 30th, 2025 10:50 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Link

1. Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I have an 8-year-old daughter, “Amanda.” Amanda loves to sing, but if I’m honest, her voice is awful. I’ve learned to tolerate it. But my husband tells her to stop every time she sings in his presence, and it hurts her feelings. In response to my telling him as much, he says her singing is like fingernails on a chalkboard, so he shouldn’t be expected to “endure” it. When I suggested we get her some singing lessons, he said he didn’t want to “waste money on a lost cause.” Should I sign her up anyway?

—Vocally Challenged


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******************


2. Dear Care and Feeding,

My parents divorced when I was 13. Within a year, my dad married my stepmom, who had a son who was 2 at the time, and a little over a year later, they had my half-sister, “Anna.” Anna’s birthday was two weeks ago, and I bought her a Nintendo Switch 2 (I discussed it with my dad and stepmom ahead of time, and they agreed to it).

The problem is that Anna’s half-brother, “Jacob,” has more or less appropriated it for himself, and Anna has called me up saying she has been able to use it all of three times since I gave it to her.

Jacob has literally taken it for himself—as in it’s in his room and Anna can’t access it. My dad and stepmom seem to think this is perfectly acceptable and have made no effort to make Jacob return it to Anna. I wouldn’t have a problem if Anna were sharing it with Jacob, but I didn’t buy the gaming system for it to be given over to him. I am ready to ask my dad and stepmom to either make him return it to Anna or reimburse me for the cost of it so I can buy her a new one. Thoughts?

—Confiscated Console


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denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_news

A reminder to everyone that starting tomorrow, we are being forced to block access to any IP address that geolocates to the state of Mississippi for legal reasons while we and Netchoice continue fighting the law in court. People whose IP addresses geolocate to Mississippi will only be able to access a page that explains the issue and lets them know that we'll be back to offer them service as soon as the legal risk to us is less existential.

The block page will include the apology but I'll repeat it here: we don't do geolocation ourselves, so we're limited to the geolocation ability of our network provider. Our anti-spam geolocation blocks have shown us that their geolocation database has a number of mistakes in it. If one of your friends who doesn't live in Mississippi gets the block message, there is nothing we can do on our end to adjust the block, because we don't control it. The only way to fix a mistaken block is to change your IP address to one that doesn't register as being in Mississippi, either by disconnecting your internet connection and reconnecting it (if you don't have a static IP address) or using a VPN.

In related news, the judge in our challenge to Tennessee's social media age verification, parental consent, and parental surveillance law (which we are also part of the fight against!) ruled last month that we had not met the threshold for a temporary injunction preventing the state from enforcing the law while the court case proceeds.

The Tennesee law is less onerous than the Mississippi law and the fines for violating it are slightly less ruinous (slightly), but it's still a risk to us. While the fight goes on, we've decided to prevent any new account signups from anyone under 18 in Tennessee to protect ourselves against risk. We do not need to block access from the whole state: this only applies to new account creation.

Because we don't do any geolocation on our users and our network provider's geolocation services only apply to blocking access to the site entirely, the way we're implementing this is a new mandatory question on the account creation form asking if you live in Tennessee. If you do, you'll be unable to register an account if you're under 18, not just the under 13 restriction mandated by COPPA. Like the restrictions on the state of Mississippi, we absolutely hate having to do this, we're sorry, and we hope we'll be able to undo it as soon as possible.

Finally, I'd like to thank every one of you who's commented with a message of support for this fight or who's bought paid time to help keep us running. The fact we're entirely user-supported and you all genuinely understand why this fight is so important for everyone is a huge part of why we can continue to do this work. I've also sent a lot of your comments to the lawyers who are fighting the actual battles in court, and they find your wholehearted support just as encouraging and motivating as I do. Thank you all once again for being the best users any social media site could ever hope for. You make me proud and even more determined to yell at state attorneys general on your behalf.

marthawells: Murderbot with helmet (Default)
[personal profile] marthawells
If you missed the live recording of the Murderbot interview episode at WorldCon, you can watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-JRHSABM24

This includes the special message to me that the show's cast sent, which was awesome.


***


I'm still sick, but getting better bit by bit.

Choir is Coming Soon!

Aug. 29th, 2025 09:49 am
oracne: turtle (Default)
[personal profile] oracne
Choir is kicking off with a long weekend rehearsal September 6. I might or might not have to miss the first Monday night rehearsal after my surgery, which would be a bummer, but it's better than missing a concert.

We will be singing a joyous concert all about death, LOL, consisting of the following three pieces: Pearsall's "Lay a Garland," Victoria's "Requiem Officium Defunctorum," and Howells' "Requiem," old sandwiched in the much newer.





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