driveway art: song sparrow
Jun. 4th, 2025 01:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
asakiyumeWe have some sunny days, and I finished the job I was working on, so I drew a song sparrow. The song sparrow is found throughout most of North America, "continuous from the Aleutians to the eastern United States," says Cornell Ornithology. They're small everywhere bird with a lovely song. Both their song and their plumage varies across the continent.
Scientific name "Melospiza melodia." You can hear samples of their songs here. (The ones around here sound most like the fourth recording down.)
Scientific name "Melospiza melodia." You can hear samples of their songs here. (The ones around here sound most like the fourth recording down.)
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I get the feeling that these people make their own problems....
Jun. 4th, 2025 12:36 pmconuly posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
agonyaunt1. Dear Annie: I'm a brokenhearted Nana who could really use your advice.
I have a 10-month-old grandson whom I adore, but I'm not allowed to kiss him -- not even on the back of his head. Recently, in a moment of pure affection, I forgot and gently kissed the back of his head. It was instinctual. I love him so much, it just happened.
The reaction was swift and harsh. I was scolded and now I'm not allowed to hold him unless he's sitting on my lap, facing away from me. To make matters worse, I'm only allowed to see him every other weekend for two hours, and someone has to be in the room to supervise me the entire time.
I've tried to talk to my son about it, but any attempt leads to an argument or a shutdown. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just to be near my grandson, and my heart is breaking.
Is there anything I can do in this situation? I feel so lost. -- Heartbroken Nana
( Read more... )
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2. Dear Annie: I've been dating a wonderful man for five years, and for the most part, our relationship is strong and loving. We don't live together, so we typically see each other just a couple of times a week, with more time together when we go on vacation. That time feels precious to me. But lately, I've found myself increasingly frustrated, and I'm not sure how to bring it up without sounding jealous or petty.
The issue is his 30-year-old son, who calls or texts him constantly, even when we're on vacation. It's not about emergencies -- just frequent check-ins or casual conversations that end up interrupting our time together. I understand and respect the bond between a father and son, but I can't help feeling like a third wheel when we're supposed to be enjoying quality time as a couple.
I don't want to compete for attention, and I certainly don't want to damage their relationship. I just wish my partner could create some boundaries during our time together so we can stay focused on each other.
How can I bring this up in a way that's honest but kind, and without sounding like I'm being unreasonable? -- Feeling Overlooked
( Read more... )
I have a 10-month-old grandson whom I adore, but I'm not allowed to kiss him -- not even on the back of his head. Recently, in a moment of pure affection, I forgot and gently kissed the back of his head. It was instinctual. I love him so much, it just happened.
The reaction was swift and harsh. I was scolded and now I'm not allowed to hold him unless he's sitting on my lap, facing away from me. To make matters worse, I'm only allowed to see him every other weekend for two hours, and someone has to be in the room to supervise me the entire time.
I've tried to talk to my son about it, but any attempt leads to an argument or a shutdown. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just to be near my grandson, and my heart is breaking.
Is there anything I can do in this situation? I feel so lost. -- Heartbroken Nana
( Read more... )
2. Dear Annie: I've been dating a wonderful man for five years, and for the most part, our relationship is strong and loving. We don't live together, so we typically see each other just a couple of times a week, with more time together when we go on vacation. That time feels precious to me. But lately, I've found myself increasingly frustrated, and I'm not sure how to bring it up without sounding jealous or petty.
The issue is his 30-year-old son, who calls or texts him constantly, even when we're on vacation. It's not about emergencies -- just frequent check-ins or casual conversations that end up interrupting our time together. I understand and respect the bond between a father and son, but I can't help feeling like a third wheel when we're supposed to be enjoying quality time as a couple.
I don't want to compete for attention, and I certainly don't want to damage their relationship. I just wish my partner could create some boundaries during our time together so we can stay focused on each other.
How can I bring this up in a way that's honest but kind, and without sounding like I'm being unreasonable? -- Feeling Overlooked
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Jun. 4th, 2025 12:32 pmconuly posting in agonyauntDEAR ABBY: I see a psychiatrist and psychologist for generalized anxiety disorder, major depression disorder and borderline personality disorder. According to my doctors, my psychiatric disorders are a result of the 44 years of abuse I received from my mother, as well as the abuse she allowed others to inflict on me.
Her physical abuse stopped when I fought back at 17. When I was 18, it was the last time her precious prince of a son raised his fist to me because I told him I'd press charges and have him arrested. The sexual abuse had stopped when I was 12, and I realized she'd known what had been happening the whole time. It also ended my wanting a relationship with my mother, but her emotional abuse continued until she died in 2013.
I am being told that, because she's dead, I should just let it go. My siblings backed her because they wanted to be in Mommy's good graces. After years of hatred and abuse, I believed the only family I had were my own two children, but even they are cold to me now. They scold me -- "Your mother's dead. Get over it." How do I explain that when abuse starts before a child can walk, you DON'T just "get over it"? -- BLEEDING HEART IN OHIO
( Read more... )
Her physical abuse stopped when I fought back at 17. When I was 18, it was the last time her precious prince of a son raised his fist to me because I told him I'd press charges and have him arrested. The sexual abuse had stopped when I was 12, and I realized she'd known what had been happening the whole time. It also ended my wanting a relationship with my mother, but her emotional abuse continued until she died in 2013.
I am being told that, because she's dead, I should just let it go. My siblings backed her because they wanted to be in Mommy's good graces. After years of hatred and abuse, I believed the only family I had were my own two children, but even they are cold to me now. They scold me -- "Your mother's dead. Get over it." How do I explain that when abuse starts before a child can walk, you DON'T just "get over it"? -- BLEEDING HEART IN OHIO
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Jun. 2nd, 2025 01:12 pmconuly posting in agonyauntDear Carolyn: I was very fortunate that my parents raised me to appreciate simplicity and avoid greed and excess. Now I’m in love with a wonderful woman whose family lives what I consider a toxic lifestyle.
Examples: They serve too much food for parties and holidays — more than can be eaten not just on that day, but on several days; they exchange so many useless gifts at every giving occasion (Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc.); their closets are stuffed with more clothing and shoes than you could wear in a lifetime; their home is overflowing with furniture, tchotchkes and other useless things.
Since we’ve gotten more serious, I’ve mentioned just a couple of times to my girlfriend how damaging her parents’ and siblings’ lifestyle is. Recently, she snapped at me to let up on being “so judgmental” about her family. I always thought we were on the same wavelength, since she herself lives pretty simply. Now I’m afraid her more minimalist lifestyle is because she’s just starting out, and she’ll eventually adopt her family’s behavior as she gets more successful.
I love her and don’t want to break up, but I’d hate to marry and raise children with someone who would expect to live like that. It seems like a sore subject, and I don’t want to harp on it, but I do need some reassurance. How should I ask about this?
— Worried
( Read more... )
Examples: They serve too much food for parties and holidays — more than can be eaten not just on that day, but on several days; they exchange so many useless gifts at every giving occasion (Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc.); their closets are stuffed with more clothing and shoes than you could wear in a lifetime; their home is overflowing with furniture, tchotchkes and other useless things.
Since we’ve gotten more serious, I’ve mentioned just a couple of times to my girlfriend how damaging her parents’ and siblings’ lifestyle is. Recently, she snapped at me to let up on being “so judgmental” about her family. I always thought we were on the same wavelength, since she herself lives pretty simply. Now I’m afraid her more minimalist lifestyle is because she’s just starting out, and she’ll eventually adopt her family’s behavior as she gets more successful.
I love her and don’t want to break up, but I’d hate to marry and raise children with someone who would expect to live like that. It seems like a sore subject, and I don’t want to harp on it, but I do need some reassurance. How should I ask about this?
— Worried
( Read more... )
Wow, this family sucks
Jun. 2nd, 2025 01:02 pmconuly posting in agonyauntDear Carolyn: I’m the youngest of five children, and throughout my whole life, my family members never cease to remind me of this in either a neutral or a derogatory way. Anytime I ask people to knock it off, they tell me I’m too sensitive and “you’ll always be the baby, so stop complaining.”
Now middle-aged, I have the average health problems of getting older. But instead of sympathy and understanding, I get: “You’re too young to have your knee replaced. Do you know how to get a second opinion?” “If you’re having back problems, then that must mean I’m REALLY old!” “How are you on blood pressure medicine already? You’re just a teenager.”
It’s bad enough my family doesn’t really know me as an adult. Yes, I’ve got friends and a (somewhat) understanding husband, but even on an information diet, my family cannot resist making a comment about my being the youngest. Where do I go from here, besides screaming?
— Everyone Else Got to Grow Up
( Read more... )
Now middle-aged, I have the average health problems of getting older. But instead of sympathy and understanding, I get: “You’re too young to have your knee replaced. Do you know how to get a second opinion?” “If you’re having back problems, then that must mean I’m REALLY old!” “How are you on blood pressure medicine already? You’re just a teenager.”
It’s bad enough my family doesn’t really know me as an adult. Yes, I’ve got friends and a (somewhat) understanding husband, but even on an information diet, my family cannot resist making a comment about my being the youngest. Where do I go from here, besides screaming?
— Everyone Else Got to Grow Up
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Jun. 1st, 2025 04:04 pmconuly posting in agonyauntDear Care and Feeding,
My relationship with my much younger sister, “Charity,” has always been a volatile one. Recently, our grandmother passed away and Charity stole some jewelry that had been promised to me, likely when she last visited our grandmother’s place before she went into hospice. She claims not to know where it is, but a friend who works at a restaurant she frequents said she saw her come in wearing our grandmother’s necklace; Charity, of course, is saying she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. My 15-year-old daughter, “Zarra,” knows how upset I am about the whole thing and is just as angry. However, I didn’t expect that she would take matters into her own hands—and oh my god did she…
Last week, I learned through my mother that Charity broke up with her fiancé because she learned he was cheating on her and had fathered a child with another woman. When I told Zarra that her aunt had gotten a dose of karma, she replied, “Thanks to me.” I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach and asked her what she meant. Zarra explained that she had given her friend “Lisa’s” college-age brother money to purchase a burner phone for her. She then had Lisa call up Charity pretending to be a woman who was trying to track Charity’s fiancé down so she could sue him for child support. Zarra said Charity had been so furious that they could hear her screaming at Lisa through the phone from four feet away. She laughed and said she’d never expected the prank to actually work, but was glad it did.
I am truly at a loss as to what to do here. On the one hand, Zarra did a very devious thing and involved her friend and her friend’s brother in it. But on the other hand, if I’m being honest, it was extremely gratifying to see my bitch sister finally get a taste of her own medicine—she’s spent her life taking advantage of people and is an all-around shitty person. My husband thought the whole thing was brilliant. Should I punish Zarra and inform Lisa’s parents of their kids’ role in what my daughter did, or is this one of those things that cancels itself out?
—Secretly Pleased
( Read more... )
My relationship with my much younger sister, “Charity,” has always been a volatile one. Recently, our grandmother passed away and Charity stole some jewelry that had been promised to me, likely when she last visited our grandmother’s place before she went into hospice. She claims not to know where it is, but a friend who works at a restaurant she frequents said she saw her come in wearing our grandmother’s necklace; Charity, of course, is saying she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. My 15-year-old daughter, “Zarra,” knows how upset I am about the whole thing and is just as angry. However, I didn’t expect that she would take matters into her own hands—and oh my god did she…
Last week, I learned through my mother that Charity broke up with her fiancé because she learned he was cheating on her and had fathered a child with another woman. When I told Zarra that her aunt had gotten a dose of karma, she replied, “Thanks to me.” I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach and asked her what she meant. Zarra explained that she had given her friend “Lisa’s” college-age brother money to purchase a burner phone for her. She then had Lisa call up Charity pretending to be a woman who was trying to track Charity’s fiancé down so she could sue him for child support. Zarra said Charity had been so furious that they could hear her screaming at Lisa through the phone from four feet away. She laughed and said she’d never expected the prank to actually work, but was glad it did.
I am truly at a loss as to what to do here. On the one hand, Zarra did a very devious thing and involved her friend and her friend’s brother in it. But on the other hand, if I’m being honest, it was extremely gratifying to see my bitch sister finally get a taste of her own medicine—she’s spent her life taking advantage of people and is an all-around shitty person. My husband thought the whole thing was brilliant. Should I punish Zarra and inform Lisa’s parents of their kids’ role in what my daughter did, or is this one of those things that cancels itself out?
—Secretly Pleased
( Read more... )
One column, two ragebait letters that I hope are fake
Jun. 1st, 2025 07:35 amconuly posting in agonyauntLink
1. Dear Care and Feeding,
Growing up, I had tons of friends and was always on the go and immersed in extracurricular activities. My 7-year-old daughter, “Maisy,” simply isn’t interested in people. She has exactly three friends and would rather spend her time reading and studying the birds, squirrels, bugs, and plants in our backyard. She doesn’t have much use for cartoons, like other kids; she would sooner watch science and nature documentaries. I had her tested, and she’s not on the spectrum, so that’s not what Maisy’s problem is. I feel like she’s missing out on so much by not being more sociable. How can I convince her that being the smartest person in the room won’t do her a bit of good if people don’t like her because she has no idea how to interact with other humans?
—Emotional Intelligence Matters Too
( Read more... )
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2. Dear Care and Feeding,
My 11-year-old son, “William,” has been interested in magic and illusions for about a year. For his last birthday, my husband and I got him a magic set. William had been greatly enjoying it until my moronic brother “Justin” said something disgusting to him that Justin insists was “just a joke.” After Easter, for which the entire family had gotten together, I came across William’s magic set in the garbage. I asked him why he’d thrown it away, and he said Justin had told him that all magicians are gay and that if he keeps doing magic, he will turn gay too. This upset him (unfortunately, the kids at his school have reached the phase where “gay” is used as an insult). I told him that what Uncle Justin said wasn’t true: People don’t “turn” LGBTQ+, they are born that way, and in any case, there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQ+. I then gave Justin a call.
My brother howled with laughter when I told him that William had thrown out his magic set and why. Justin claimed he’d said it, “just said it to mess with him.” I told him he needed to set the record straight with William, make it clear that he’d made it up, and confirm what I’d already told him about how being LGBTQ+ is not a bad thing. Justin claimed I was making too big a deal over it. He said William should take this as a lesson in learning not to believe everything people tell him. I told him that until he was ready to apologize and tell William the truth, we would be taking a break from seeing him, and I hung up. My parents think I’m in the wrong and that I’m making too much of “a harmless prank.” They are accusing me of causing problems in the family. I don’t think I am. My husband agrees with me and says he’ll support whatever I feel is right. Is this the best option, even if it gets me on the wrong side of my parents?
—Under No Illusions: My Brother Was Wrong
( Read more... )
1. Dear Care and Feeding,
Growing up, I had tons of friends and was always on the go and immersed in extracurricular activities. My 7-year-old daughter, “Maisy,” simply isn’t interested in people. She has exactly three friends and would rather spend her time reading and studying the birds, squirrels, bugs, and plants in our backyard. She doesn’t have much use for cartoons, like other kids; she would sooner watch science and nature documentaries. I had her tested, and she’s not on the spectrum, so that’s not what Maisy’s problem is. I feel like she’s missing out on so much by not being more sociable. How can I convince her that being the smartest person in the room won’t do her a bit of good if people don’t like her because she has no idea how to interact with other humans?
—Emotional Intelligence Matters Too
( Read more... )
2. Dear Care and Feeding,
My 11-year-old son, “William,” has been interested in magic and illusions for about a year. For his last birthday, my husband and I got him a magic set. William had been greatly enjoying it until my moronic brother “Justin” said something disgusting to him that Justin insists was “just a joke.” After Easter, for which the entire family had gotten together, I came across William’s magic set in the garbage. I asked him why he’d thrown it away, and he said Justin had told him that all magicians are gay and that if he keeps doing magic, he will turn gay too. This upset him (unfortunately, the kids at his school have reached the phase where “gay” is used as an insult). I told him that what Uncle Justin said wasn’t true: People don’t “turn” LGBTQ+, they are born that way, and in any case, there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQ+. I then gave Justin a call.
My brother howled with laughter when I told him that William had thrown out his magic set and why. Justin claimed he’d said it, “just said it to mess with him.” I told him he needed to set the record straight with William, make it clear that he’d made it up, and confirm what I’d already told him about how being LGBTQ+ is not a bad thing. Justin claimed I was making too big a deal over it. He said William should take this as a lesson in learning not to believe everything people tell him. I told him that until he was ready to apologize and tell William the truth, we would be taking a break from seeing him, and I hung up. My parents think I’m in the wrong and that I’m making too much of “a harmless prank.” They are accusing me of causing problems in the family. I don’t think I am. My husband agrees with me and says he’ll support whatever I feel is right. Is this the best option, even if it gets me on the wrong side of my parents?
—Under No Illusions: My Brother Was Wrong
( Read more... )